


Terms of Endearment

by kangstellation



Series: fake dating + modern!AU [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, fake dating au, modern!AU, multiple uses of pet names, not quite sure what to tag this one honestly, oh hikaku is only mentioned in the sense that the birthday party they are attending is his
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-04 23:41:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17907923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kangstellation/pseuds/kangstellation
Summary: Madara drags Tobirama to a birthday party. Somehow, pet names get involved.





	Terms of Endearment

**Author's Note:**

> Here is another chunk of trash that I wrote at 4 a.m. instead of sleeping or preparing for uni orientation... fun times indeed.

Tobirama was _pissed_.

He had been planning for a nice, quiet evening all to himself in his dorm room, accompanied only by a steaming cup of tea and his musing thoughts while he worked on his latest project. He had definitely _not_ planned for Madara to show up unannounced at his dorm and to force him to change into a suit before dragging him away from under his cozy covers to his worst nightmare — an Uchiha gathering.

Well, Madara had called it a birthday party and Tobirama wasn’t exactly the leading expert on birthday parties so he couldn’t say that it _wasn’t_ one. But still. He was pretty sure that normal people didn’t wear _suits_ to a simple birthday party. Then again, the only birthday parties Tobirama had ever attended were his brothers’ so he wasn’t entirely sure it was an oddity.

Anyway, the point was that: Tobirama was mad. And he was only getting madder the more he stayed in that room cooped up with all the Uchiha (the room wasn’t _small_ by all means, but the ratio of people to room space was _staggering_ ). Was insanity and stupidity contagious? It would certainly explain a lot about the Uchiha but Tobirama didn’t exactly want to stick around and find out.

Where the fuck was Madara, anyway? He had dragged Tobirama all the way here for this event (no doubt trying to infect Tobirama with the Uchiha insanity) and he didn’t even have the decency to _stay_ with him for more than a few minutes after they had wished Hikaku a happy birthday before flitting away like the darn social butterfly he was? Tobirama was going to have a few _very_ colourful choice words with Madara once he found him.

Tobirama would have been perfectly content to wallow in his thoughts, alone and unapproached, but it seemed that some divine being out there was having fun with his misery because all of a sudden-

“Tobirama? What are _you_ doing here?”

Oh dear God, what were the chances that that voice _didn’t_ belong to Madara’s most annoying younger brother?

Taking in a deep breath, Tobirama steeled himself, attempted to force a smile onto his face that ultimately turned out to be more of a grimace, and turned to face Izuna.

“Izuna,” Tobirama paused, coolly meeting Izuna’s eyes. “How… pleasant it is to see you again.”

Izuna sneered at him. “Can’t say the same for you, Senju. Anyway, don’t try to avoid the question: what the hell are you doing at my cousin’s birthday celebration?”

Tobirama was extremely tempted to give a snappy answer but he reminded himself that he wanted his and Madara’s ‘relationship’ to actually seem real and thus would need to at least look like he was trying to be nice to his family members. “I’m here with Madara, actually, but he seems to have pulled one of those disappearing tricks he’s so fond of. You wouldn’t have happened to have seen him around, would you?”

Izuna blinked at him and Tobirama took vindictive pleasure in the myriad of expressions that crossed his arch nemesis’ face within the next few seconds — shock, veering into realisation, and then mortified horror.

“N-no, it can’t be, you and—” Izuna looked like he was about to faint from processing this new information. The only thing that would have delighted Tobirama more would be if Izuna had actually fainted.

Tobirama must have accidentally let slip a smirk because Izuna’s eyes narrowed at him. “You’re lying, aren’t you?” Izuna seethed. “There’s _no way_ nii-san would date someone like you!”

It had been years since Tobirama and Izuna had first met — prolonged exposure to Izuna’s biting words and insults meant that Tobirama was more than used to them. That didn’t mean that Izuna’s words didn’t sting, though (for what reason exactly, Tobirama wasn’t sure). Tobirama was just about to snap back at Izuna when another voice interrupted them.

“Now, now, Izuna. What have I told you about controlling that temper of yours?” Madara chided, casually inserting himself in between Tobirama and Izuna. He nursed a glass of wine in his right hand as he slipped his free hand around Tobirama’s waist. “Besides, Tobirama wasn’t lying, right pumpkin?” He turned to look at Tobirama with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Tobirama was going to _murder_ Madara the second they were alone.

“ _Pumpkin?_ ” Izuna was starting to look paler as he scrunched up his face in disgust. “You even have _pet names_ for each other??”

“Of course we do! Just like any other loving couple!” Madara answered with a grin — a nasty, shit-eating grin that Tobirama wanted to slap off his face. “Isn’t that right, cupcake?”

Tobirama glared at Madara with every ounce of loathing he could muster without completely seeming hostile and gritted his teeth as he replied, “Yes, indeed. We absolutely _love_ to call each other by those… _endearing_ terms.” He paused for a while before a wicked idea dawned on him. “My favourite pet name for Madara would be kitten, of course.”

“ _What?!”_ There were two sounds of surprise this time, Tobirama gleefully noted.

Izuna shot Madara a suspicious look so Madara immediately backpedaled. “I mean, yes, of course. I was simply caught off guard because _usually_ , he only calls me that in- er, well, behind closed doors, if you will.”

So that’s how he wanted to play it, huh? Tobirama gave Madara an amused glance. “Yes, but that was before you decided to call me ‘pumpkin’ and ‘cupcake’ in public. I only assumed you were comfortable now with the usage of pet names in front of others. Am I wrong, kitten?”

“Okay!” Izuna interrupted before Madara could sputter all over himself and make himself a public spectacle. “I’m out of here! Bye! Have fun flirting!” And he was gone before either of them could reply, no doubt to fling himself at the nearest gossip circle and pass on the shocking news he had just discovered.

“That went well,” Tobirama said smugly, a smirk curling at the edge of his lips.

“You- I- What-” Madara sputtered. He stopped for a moment, thinking how best to articulate his thoughts, and settled for, “ _Kitten?_ ”

“Yes, a rather fitting nickname, I feel.” Tobirama smiled pleasantly. Then, he leaned in and pinched Madara’s waist with such force that Madara was _sure_ there was going to be a bruise.

“ _Ow!_ ” Madara hissed, bristling like a wet cat. “What was _that_ for??”

“ _That_ ,” Tobirama said, looking rather pleased with himself. “Was for leaving me alone at this social gathering that _you_ dragged me to.”

“Oh.” Madara absent-mindedly rubbed at the spot Tobirama had pinched and winced. “I did, didn’t I.”

“Yes, you did.” Tobirama sighed. He glanced around the room full of chattering Uchihas and grimaced. While it was true that the earlier anxious feeling he had to run away from this crowded place had eased a bit, it didn’t mean that it had completely gone away.

“Sorry about that,” Madara said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. The action was so un-Madara-like that Tobirama wondered briefly if Madara had sent a doppelganger to take his place. “Do you wanna go now, then?”

Tobirama blinked. “Now? Don’t we have to wait for Hikaku to cut the cake or something?”

Madara shook his head. “Actually, we don’t. I dropped a few hints earlier that you were busy so they won’t think anything of it if we leave now. That is, if you want to?”

Tobirama nodded slowly, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Madara had actually done something out of consideration for  _him_. “Yes. I would like that. Thank you.”

“Don’t think much of it.” Madara waved it off, trying desperately to act like Tobirama’s thanks didn’t affect him the slightest. “It’s what _lovers_ do for each other all the time.”

“All the same, I am grateful for it.” Tobirama smiled as he linked their arms together. Sensing Madara’s surprise at the unexpected action, he added as clarification, “For the others’ prying eyes, of course. Now, shall we go, kitten?”

Madara just  _knew_ that Tobirama was never going to let him live that down, so naturally, the only acceptable course of action was retaliation. “As you wish, honey bunch.” Madara grinned when Tobirama winced a little.

“Can’t you just pick _one_ to settle on?” Tobirama grumbled under his breath to Madara as they passed by a whispering bunch of ladies.

“How could I when they all encapsulate you so perfectly, sugar puff?” Madara’s smirk only grew wider when Tobirama shot him a glare. Well, there went the thought that Madara might not actually be all that bad. Tobirama was a _fool_ for even considering it.

“Call me another one of those insufferable pet names and you’ll regret it,” Tobirama hissed darkly into Madara’s ear.

“Why, I don’t believe you’d ever intentionally hurt me, my little cabbage!” Madara put on his specially sickeningly sweet tone for maximum effect.

“Oh, just _watch_ me—” Tobirama abruptly cut himself off when he caught sight of a not-very-subtly-eavesdropping Izuna in the nearby vicinity and quickly did a 180° turn in mood and tone. “—cuddle you to death later, my sweet kitten.”

“I simply _can’t_ wait, my dearest gumdrop,” Madara shot right back at him, delightful glee in his eyes.

“Good. Because I can’t wait to slap the living daylights out of you”—another glance over at Izuna, darn it, he was _still_ listening—“with my lips. Yes. Definitely can’t wait for that.”

Tobirama was beyond thankful when they finally bade goodbye to Hikaku and the others. The very second they were out of sight, Tobirama immediately unlinked their arms and stomped on Madara’s left foot.

“ _OW!_ ” Madara yelped, instinctively jerking away from Tobirama. “What the _fuck_?”

“That was for being excessively annoying,” Tobirama said without an ounce of guilt.

“Hey! I saved you from having our ‘relationship’ outed as a hoax by Izuna!” Madara complained.

“The nicknames weren’t necessary,” Tobirama pointed out.

“Yes, they were! Izuna _knows_ I never call anyone by those nicknames unless I’m in a serious relationship!” Madara persisted.

“Stop bluffing, Uchiha,” Tobirama stated simply.

“It’s the _truth_!” Madara cried out indignantly.

Tobirama didn’t deign him with a response, instead choosing to walk away from Madara and towards where Madara had parked his car with long, purposeful strides, leaving Madara to squawk and try to catch up with him.

“I’m telling you, I’m _not_ lying about the nicknames thing, Senju!” Madara insisted on pursuing the issue.

“Sure you’re not. And I’m definitely in love with an Uchiha,” Tobirama said boredly. “Now, are you going to drive me back or do I have to do it myself?”

“ _Hey_! It is  _very_ probable and likely for anyone to fall in love with an Uchiha!” Madara said hotly as he unlocked his car and slid into the driver’s seat.

“Certainly not for me. All of them are crazy, probably from long-term exposure to you.” Tobirama stated as he buckled his seatbelt.

“You know what? _Fuck_ you, Senju.” Madara muttered under his breath.

“No thanks.”

“That- that wasn’t a proposition!”

“Then what are you all flustered for?”

“That- argh! You’re absolutely intolerable, you bastard!”

“Good to know we feel the same way about each other.”

“Great! That’s fantastic!”

“Excellent, indeed.”

“Absolutely _wonderful_ , I think.”

“Stop talking, Uchiha.”

“ _You_ shut up, Senju.”

Needless to say, their bickering continued on throughout the car ride back to Tobirama’s dorm.

**Author's Note:**

> As you may have noticed, this fic includes Madara and Tobirama calling each other by pet names that are often used in English. I am aware that Japanese people do not usually use the same terms of endearment for each other, but was simply unable to control myself from slipping them in. I apologize if that somehow disrupts your enjoyment of reading this fic but it's also not going to change.
> 
> (And also, I have a lovely hc about Madara deliberately using the most ridiculous of pet names for Tobirama, just to needle at him in his very own hah-im-annoying-and-you-cant-do-anything-about-it-because-we're-fake-dating way. Tobirama eventually gives up trying to coax him off it and just gets used to it.)
> 
> That being said, this fake dating and modern AU I set up for MadaTobi will most likely never have an actual, beginning-to-end, full fic. I find it easier for myself to just write pieces and bits of scenes from the AU, so I will continue to write for this AU and post them if I finish them. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this little drabble (?)! If you wish to find me on tumblr, you can do so by searching kangstellation :)
> 
> P.S: If yall don't mind sharing, please leave down below in a comment what some sickeningly sweet or weird nicknames you've ever heard used? I might use them for a different drabble later on!


End file.
